I just put a loaf of sourdough bread in the oven.
Now, compare that opening sentence to this one: Each week, I bake a loaf of sourdough bread.
Now this one: According to the Wall Street Journal, 13% of men over the age of fifty-five bake at least one loaf of sourdough bread weekly.
Don’t worry, I won’t keep making up new sentences.
But I think you’d agree, they are all more or less about the same thing: somebody, somewhere, is baking sourdough bread. And, any one of these sentences would work as the opening line of a newsletter.
But in terms of how effective they are relative to one another, there’s a world of difference.
The first, for my money, is the most compelling. The second, a little less so. The third, while backed up with data from a well-respected publication (granted, I made it up), hardly at all.
If you create content – written, spoken, barked – these distinctions matter.
Because compelling content is what it takes to capture and keep the attention of other humans – something that we as professional service providers need to do on a regular basis.
So let’s talk about how these sentences differ and how you can use these differences to your advantage…
Difference #1: Degree of Personal Information
The WSJ factoid (henceforth known as “#3”) has no personal information at all; it tells you nothing about who wrote it. It’s just data that anyone could use.
Sentences #1 and #2 are about me, in particular. Okay, but who cares? Oddly enough, nobody and everybody.
Nobody, because it’s just a bit of daily life blah blah that we all hear and say every day. Nothing unusual going on.
Everybody, and for the exact same reason. It feels real. It helps people get a sense of the writer. It makes them feel connected: “Hey, I bake sourdough bread, too.”
So while few people want to read five paragraphs of your sourdough bread experience, a little bit of how the story applies to you, in particular, goes a long way.
Difference #2: Degree of Recency
As for why #1 is better than #2, it’s because #1 takes place in the present moment. Lots of people bake sourdough bread – I’m one of the few who put a loaf in the oven just now.
So while it’s not technically unique, I’ve narrowed the field considerably from “people” to quite likely the only person you’ve heard from today who’s had this experience.
Recency in your writing helps people feel like they know you well. It’s the kind of thing you say to a friend over the phone: “Hang on a sec, I just put a loaf of sourdough bread in the oven.”
Sentence #3, isn’t even in the recency running; it will be as true in a year as it is today. Plus, it’s the kind of thing that is never said out loud in casual conversation, further lengthening the gap between writer and reader.
When you share experiences that just happened, you increase the feeling of connectedness between you and the reader. It makes them more likely to trust you – and until they trust you, they won’t hire you.
Difference #3: Degree of Intriguingness (surprisingly, a real word)
Your opening sentence has one primary purpose: to get the reader to keep reading.
It’s like pushing a car down the street: the hardest part is going from standing still to a little bit of motion (thank you, science). From there, it only gets easier as things start moving.
Writing works the same way… you need to say something that makes the reader want to know what comes next.
Sentence #1 gets the gold. Sentence #2 gets the silver. Sentence #3 doesn’t even qualify.
Examples from other people’s newsletters…
“I have a cholesterol problem, my transplanted from Boston to Austin colleague said.”
“Every time one of my children leaves for college, we get a new dog.”
“Sometimes, the best option is to just fold and go home.”
These are not just sentences – each one is the beginning of a story. Their random, out-of-the-blueness tells your reader’s brain to pay attention for what’s coming next.
Not Just Information
Creating strong, compelling professional services content is (thankfully) not about being the smartest.
Nor is it about saying something that nobody has ever heard before.
More than anything, it’s about communicating in a way that makes people want to know more about the topic and more about you.
Discussion Questions:
- Do you bake sourdough bread?
- When was the last time you pushed a car?
- Do you have a favorite opening line you’ve read or written?
Share your answers below…
I’ve been know to bake sourdough bread.
I had a manual transmission car in high school that sometimes required a push/ clutch pop to get it running.
“Call me Ishmael!”
That Melville has a promising career ahead of him.
How have I lived this long and never used the word “recency?!”
But look, you just used it! I’m glad to have been witness, LJ.
Finally, I have a chance in life to share this story with someone who actually ASKED!
When I was in college (before age, a sore back and loss of interest won out), I used to spend time in the garage of our (rented, student) house tinkering with my car. Oil changes, glow plugs (yes, it was a diesel), that sort of stuff. I had a buddy with a chronically broken Oldsmobile, and, fortunately for him, an extra garage space…so he would sometimes drag it over and we’d work side by side. He didn’t know a lot about cars (and at the time, I liked to learn and share), so it worked out well.
Well, one night, on the other side of our college town, he blew a head gasket in the Olds. So, the oil and the coolant mixed together (think the color and consistency of chocolate milk. Not good).
He needed a hand getting it back to his place — at midnight, mind you, and on one of the coldest nights of the year in our part of the upper Midwest — but neither one of us had a tow rope.
Fast forward to me, in the torquey, grunty diesel sedan with (fortunately) big and fairly sturdy bumpers, literally shoving him in the Olds, a few feet at a time, to his apartment. The campus cops were passing in the other direction at one point and flipped on their party lights, but as they got closer and fiigured us out, just shook their heads and moved on (with a slightly sarcastic “Be careful!” out the window as they passed).
It cost me a water pump (evidently I shoved him a little too hard and bent its impeller shaft), and I don’t know how he didn’t end up with whiplash, but we got it done.
Now, Mr. Katz, if you can tell me how to turn THAT mess into a piece of content for a newsletter intended to attract solo management consultants who need copywriting and content strategy help, I’d love to hear it… I’m just starting to spin up the business and feeling overwhelmed (lots of “Who the hell’s gonna care about this story?” going through my head.)
Love the newsletter (yours, that is) and the 3-Minute Marketing program.
Great story. And a good example of why stories work so well as the start of a newsletter or presentation: you can go in so many directions. From that one story you could segue to…
… like an old car, content strategy needs tinkering.
… if your content strategy is off, the cops probably won’t pull you over, but it can cause damage to your business.
… the tools that you need for content strategy are not always obvious, so like towing a car without a rope, you need to be a bit creative.
You don’t need a perfect analogy, you just need enough of a connection to bridge the gap.
Thank you – great points.
Read the whole story. Having worked on cars and tow roped a few in my life I wanted to know what happened. Never know who is going to read it…even a 60+ yr old female who used to do the same things.
One of my favorite first lines of a novel (which I could easily find because it’s a famous first line) is from “One Hundred Years of Solitude” by Gabriel García Márquez. Unlike the compelling recency of your #1 example (which, I agree, won, hands down), this one grabbed me straight away because it goes both to the future and to the past, and promises a great story in between.
“Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice”.
Love that. (And an extra thousand points to you for knowing how to add the accent on top of Márquez.)
Do you bake sourdough bread? I tried making sourdough bread once when I was in my 20’s. I was not disciplined enough to keep the starter alive.
When was the last time you pushed a car? Too many years ago to remember when that was.
Do you have a favorite opening line you’ve read or written? I wrote in my newsletter this opening. I’ve actually received feedback on this.
I feel like happy dancing Snoopy this morning. The air is crisp and clean, the sky is cerulean blue and the birds are chirping up a storm. Something exciting must be happening in their world. The sun is blinding pure light and it is setting the red maple down the street on fire! WOW! What a morning!
Mother Nature doesn’t skimp on her tools and neither should you.
Nicely done! On the sourdough question, i find it incredibly forgiving. We went away for an entire month last winter and it only took a couple of rounds of feeding when we got back for my sourdough (kept in the fridge) to come back to life. Plus, unlike making beer which has a 30 day lead time, I like how it’s just a couple of days from start to finish!
1. No
2. College?
3. I am doomed to remember a boy with a wrecked voice—not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew or even because he was the instrument of my mother’s death, but because he is the reason I believe in God.
I’m going to guess a Prayer for Owen Meany?
Correct! One of the best books of all time imho.
I agree. And I like John Irving although his books always seem to have someone losing some body part! Is he still writing? (Is he still alive?)
He is both alive and writing — he’s 82. His most recent book is “The Last Chairlift”, which came out last year.
I haven’t read it — it’s 912 pages long!
I love sourdough bread but have no call to bake it myself!
Push a car?! I pay for AAA … besides I love watching other people do it ….
A beloved opening line .. maybe in the Bible stories … “Why me, Lord?!”
Thank you for your truly thoughtful and welcome newsletter .. and loved the photo with the bread
My pleasure, Michele!!
As a fiction writer. editor, coach, and writing workshop leader who also makes sourdough bread (coincidentally, I’m proofing one today to bake tomorrow), I heartily agree. When I teach workshops or edit, I always encourage writers to increase the specificity of their prose–by which I mean: plop the reader into the middle of an intriguing scene that makes them want to read on. It is all about storytelling.
It seems we lead parallel lives, Audrey!
1. Not sourdough, but I bake bread regularly, cheating by using a bread machine.
2. All my cars have been stick shift. All have been pushed at least once, but usually I get to sit inside and steer. Most recent was about 6 years ago when the battery failed.
3. Henry Mitchell liked to meddle in other people’s business.
It’s the first line of a short story I wrote.
Love your opening line!
And, according to a recent Instagram post I just saw, apparently one can both move a car and steer at the same time if alone by pulling the seat belt out all the way, hooking it over your shoulder and walking beside the car. What could go wrong?!
1. No but you’ve inspired me to. It’s delicious and my wife will respect me.
2. Pulled my car into a gas station outside of L..A. for service. The driver of the car I was blocking said he’d help me push my car back so he could get out. We pushed it out of the way but it occurred to me it was going too fast for me to jump into it and hit the brake. The realization that, if I didn’t, my car would hurtle into busy I-5 and kill somebody or a lot of somebodies. That gave me the courage to jump in (without tumbling under my wheels) and hit the brake. Whew!
3. I’m confident a future life experience will supply me with a great Buster Keaton kind of line.
Great story. It reminded me of a time a couple of years ago where I was driving home in a snowstorm and could not get up a hill without sliding back. I guy pulled up behind me and had the same problem. He helped me push my car up the hill. I still feel bad that I drove off without helping him (I’m kidding, we helped each other and were both successful).
Strength in Unity! (OR “You scratch my back and……….”)
Never made sour dough in an oven, but I’ve made it disappear often enough. The last car I pushed was a Ford EXP back in 1991. I remember because the driver was stuck in the mucky-muddy snow and gunned it, and I then wore said mucky-muddy snow from forehead to kneecaps.
For opening lines… I can’t recall the exact line of the David Baldacci book but it started out mentioning a city being the safest place on Earth until a certain date. E.g. Carsen City was the safest place on Earth, until this past Friday, August 21…
Something like that. Actually, many Baldacci books open with a line or two that will draw you in faster than a chicken with Col. Sanders swiping at its tail feathers.
Love that example!
Haven’t baked any kind of bread ever, but increasingly want to give it a try.
Pushing cars…hmmm, not for a while but many when I was younger.
Favorite opening line, of course I can’t think of one right now.
I had never baked bread either, untiil Covid. Pretty easy and fun, as it turns out, so I hope you give it a try!
(I found this step by step video very helpful when I first began: https://alexandracooks.com/2017/10/24/artisan-sourdough-made-simple-sourdough-bread-demystified-a-beginners-guide-to-sourdough-baking/#guide)
Happy Thanksgiving to you!
I’ve never baked sour dough bread
I helped push my car once when it didn’t start lol
My favorite opening line is from my favorite book of all time Goosebumps
” the house was empty and old on top of the hill.”
A compelling opening line! (Happy Thanksgiving to you too!)